Landscape of Round Holes

The Nemedian Blogs

Robert E. Howard's Conan

Many of my friends can attest to the numerous times i have extolled the grandeur of J.R.R. Tolkien's fantasy world. A world so rich in detail that if it's origins weren't known it could easily be mistaken for real myth - if you'll excuse the apparent contradiction. I'm a big user of the 5 level scale of magnitude and Tolkien's work qualifies as a 5 in terms of scope of imagination. It's an elite group who's few members include the likes of Frank Herbert and his Dune works, which again, i have many times expressed my deep awe of these two authors and the magnitude of their creations.

But, as the first line of this post was put there to keep me on task, this is about Howard's Conan. So often i forget about this entry my mental catalog of creative fiction, and i don't know why is should be so - it's an absolutely magnificent work. As intellectually underestimated as it's eponymous character perhaps.  This probably stems from the several factors from it's inception in pulp media to it's introduction to the larger public as a movie starring a less than fluent Arnold Schwarzenegger (through no fault of his). If one of Tolkien's main undercurrents is the question of progress, then one of Howard's would be an even earlier question of civilization. Take for example the secondary sub-title 'the barbarian' (i believe the original sub-title was 'the Cimmarian') it is already suggesting that the main character is less-than-civilized, yet it is the myriad of background and supporting characters that are ill-mannered, corrupt, backwards, or down right evil - the very antithesis of what civilized is supposed to be.

Using the for mentioned scale Conan easily ranks a 4 in my book. The depth and range of the world of Hyboria is... well i guess the word would be fantastic. Howard's own description from his first book is, i think, one of the great passages in all of fantasy fiction:
"Know, O prince, that between the years when the oceans drank Atlantis and the gleaming cities, and the years of the rise of the sons of Aryas, there was an age undreamed of, when shining kingdoms lay spread across the world like blue mantles beneath the stars..."
It goes on to give the briefest, but none the less colorful, descriptions of many of the places in the world of Hyboria, that the reader will come to know and love. The passage also fixes the world in time, between the even more legendary 'Atlantis' and the earliest of 'modern' history - the Aryans, or early indo-europeans. So simple, yet like many things simple - utterly brilliant. It sets the whole mythos right on the edge of the what we know to be true and what we know to be untrue making it the easiest thing in the world not just to suspend your disbelief, but to throw it to the wind.

Perhaps another pseudo-device used is the one character. There is no group like the fellowship of the ring, or Dorthy and her various companions of L. Frank Baum's Oz, or the children of the Narnia. It is just Conan and the world itself, again this makes it so simple, actually it is the only choice, to focus on the character and his setting. Further there are no elves, no centaurs, no talking chickens to subconsciously accept as real. There are demons and 'gods' specifically and magic in general, but it is portrayed in a manner that extends readily from what the human subconscious already feels about such things, namely that it is mysterious, esoteric and extraordinary (despite the regularity with which Conan encounters such things :) ) and as such requires no additional justification or explanation beyond the initial acceptance. Finally, on the singularity of the character, i do so love it when something i enjoy is an 'arch-type', and with out actually doing the research i believe Conan is just that. If you see a 'barbarian' it is either of the Viking variety or the Conan variety and even then the line can be a little hazy (a testament the the readiness with which Conan's 'fiction' is placed on par with history's 'fact'). Can any other fantasy fiction boast this?

I don't know why i chose to come out of my blogging hibernation with this particular post, I guess i just didn't want to keep on forgetting about Howard's contribution, and perhaps even contribute in some minute way to the unveiling of his too unappreciated works, which i sincerely hope gets more attention in the future. I would certainly love to see a new movie, or even better trilogy, about Conan depicting him in truer form, because i think he is quite simply one of the most entertaining characters in the whole of fantasy fiction, and there is definitely enough to work from. (my vote for director would be Wolfgang Peterson - comments specifically welcome on this one :) ) In closing, if you liked Lord of the Rings  and are looking for more good classic fantasy fiction i obviously recommend Conan, and if you are already familiar with any of the works, be it pulp mags, books, comics, animation, or movies I earnestly beg you to place your comments now for discussion.

P.S. Anybody remember the cartoon Thundarr the Barbarian? Hehehe, that is Grade-A nostalgia there.

I think I caught a parenthesis virus

Hey everybody, sorry i've been offline for so long, but i've been <i>offline</i> .

Due to recent activities i began to suspect my computer had been compromised, by viuses (which i recently learned is the appropriate plural vor a virus - and not viri which i had previously thought - (do i use parenthesis too much (probably (definately)))) - as i was saying - by viruses, trojans, and rootkits (oh my). My computer had been running without a re-install for two and a half years, which is more than twice what i usually go before something forces me to go with a <i>tabula rasa digitalis</i>. In case your thinking "What kind of porn sites is he going to that he catches viruses that force him to re-install his OS?" I would like to say that the activities tended more towards the larcenous than the lustful. Or in the non-poetic - P2P not porn.
After attempts to clean the system, i decided that it was time - besides there was a lot i wanted to do in the way of re-organizing that would also be easier to do from scratch. So I make the mental list - OS disk, essential programs disks, list of drivers needed (espesially for internet connectivity (damn, parenthesis again)), and moving all the data i want to keep off-storage, etc. Fast foward, the PoNR having been crossed, i re-install the OS, the basic network related drivers, the firewall, connect to the internet, update the OS, update the drivers, update the firewall software. Then comes the long road of reinstalling and updating and configuring all the other software. Anyway I think i'm rambling here, i'm gonna go get something to eat...
Much better, where was i? Right, i had just finished re-installing all the software. So, with a brand new OS, I implemented the new security intel i had aquired while trying to detect and clean some of the more tenacious malwares. Firewalls, proxies, anonymizers, et al. Now i was ready to go back to the mean streets of the digital underworld. OK, thats a little damatic, but only a little. Once i had my (this is going to be fun to say - ) firewall completely stealthed, an encrypted tunnel to an anonymizing web proxy, and the latest in open source real-time spyware detection, I was able to log onto the "hidden wiki" a loose collection of sites that cater to all kinds of info that would benefit from being anonymous and secure. Things like how to increase your security <i>even more</i> - and i'm talking full blown paranoid, goverment is out to getcha, level security, were what i described above is only 'step one' in a ten step list with multiple options; or "hacking" programs. {Side note on "hacking" programs. I never really trusted hacking programs that were easily available, like on the web - it's like buying a "collectors item"-- at wal-mart.  So i guess these programs are somewhat legit (which in this case is a rather ironic use of the word)} ( hah! Take that parenthesis! I mixed it up with some braces).
Also present were the low level conspiricy theorist stuff, polictical "underground", contoversial books, etc. Surprisingly absent was porn, I would expect to see the really freaky-deaky stuff - like dogs in latex being ridden, horsey style, by hairless midgets though mashed potatoes to the sounds of a theremin. The stuff that doesn't even have to do with sex - know what i mean? And please, somebody out there say they know what i mean. :)
Anyway, after my little forray into the world wide underbelly, it was back to my own less than laudable endevers - hopefully prepared for the worst. 'Twas not to be. (cool, i got to use the word 'twas. hehe.) Then, after just a few days, with no "hits" from my anti-virus software or anti-spyware progs. and not downloading anything that i didn't "know" what it was, and certainly not running anything that i didn't trust, I got a virus alert on an .exe i was downloading, which of corse i didn't finish and deleted the partial file. Just to be safe I ran an online virus/spyware scan, honestly not expecting anything to come up, i mean after all the trouble i went through securing and arming myself against it. But, yep, i had caught something.  Now, the curiosity kicks in, how effective is AV/AS? I download as many AS softwares as i can and get a list of online scanners - the total: six to run from my PC and another six from online. I disconnect from the network, physically disconnect. Reboot in safe mode, i wanted to boot to safe mode command prompt, but the software would not run from there (even better would be to boot from a CD-ROM, but alas i don't have such). Once in safe mode, i run all six scans one after the other, then reboot in safe mode with network support and run the online scanners. I had four occurances of malware (real malware - not tracking cookies or anything relativley tame), in just a few days after a clean install, with the best defense i could muster while be vigilent to NOT let any in - AND each one was caught by a different scanner!
Granted i was in highly suseptable area but, man, that's a pretty shitty track record really. So i scrubbed and scoured;  and cleaned and wiped; and disinfected and deleted. I am confident that i am now free of contamination, although it is ultimately just that confidence - not real certainty (that would require another re-format and re-install). The lesson here, if there is one, is simply stay off of P2P - you WILL get a virus or worse. Oh, and that AV/AS software sucks right now - or at least they are currently losing the battle with malware. I base that last on the apparency (is that a word - yep it's a word) that there is not a comprehensive, or nearly comprensive,  scanner/detector currently available.

Anyway I'm back online now and safe from any baddies, but that's what i've been doing. What are you guys up to?

As always please, please, please ignore any spelling mistakes. I don't want to have to change my handle to non-spelling-james, or worse, too-lazy-too-run-spell-checker-james. Think of it as a quirk.

Quick Quote

I know it was never in doubt, but i am definately a geek. I must have laughed for a full minute when i read this...

"There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand binary and those who don't."

-unknown

Desolate Destiny

Here is another render, a tribute to Lois Royo and his fantasy art.

Showdown at the Car Care Center

I need a place to vent, so guess what people... yep, i'm gonna do it here.

About a week ago my 'check engine' light comes on, I changed the oil (i know that is not part of the check engine light) and waited a week for it to 'go away'. No luck, it was a long shot anyways. So as i  understand it i need 'diagnostics' done, a particular machine that is hooked up to the car and finds out specifically what needs checking in the engine. Takes 30 mins maybe? and cost 50 dollars maybe?

Hmmm, let's see who around here could do a diagnostic? Well the closest place would be that little inspection garage, maybe they can do it. So i hop in my car, shit i need gas, Ok gas first then diagnostics. I get gas, and buy a pack of cigarettes. On the way to the garage, i light a cigarette.

I arrive at the location. Hmmm, they look smaller than i remember, i don't think they can do it here. Hey, there's a guy at the front desk, i'll just ask to make sure. Cigarette in hand i pop out of the car and up to the front door, open it and pop my head in.

"Say, do you gu..." was about all i got out.

"Don't bring that cigarette in here." he cuts me off.

"Um, Ok, can i just hold it outside, I jus...", i continue, since i had no intention of taking it inside.

"No. Put it out."  He says, in all seriousness, and he was serious.

"OK." a little bewildered, but compliant -- as a smoker I've been here before. I put the cigarette out on the ground. (outside, just to be clear :) )
"So, i was ju...." I tried to get to the point.

"No, pick it up and put it out in your car." He states sternly. Now I'm thinking 'is this guy just trying to make me dance? But, no, he just doesn't want a cigarette butt on his sidewalk.'

Not wanting to be his total  bitch, i try to meet him half way. "Alright." I say nodding my head like i get where he's coming from. "I'll pick it up on my way out, I j..."

"No. Pick it up, now, and put it in your car." he demands.

A little stunned, it took me a moment to decide what to do, I simply said "No." and began to walk to my car. Incedent over.

Not quite. Content to leave that place and never think about it again, i get in my car, think momentarily about lighting another cigarette (the one i had just put out was only half smoked), but then i look up and there is the man picking up the butt. 'Oh... I know what he wants to do now...' I thought going for the window control, as the window was still down (i was smoking when i pulled up, remember). Damn, those power windows, they only have one speed, and it may not be fast enough. The guy, seeing his opportunity fading, rushes my car and throws the butt at me. Not a toss, mide you, and not towards me, either, but a forceful full-arm side throw aiming directly for my person. If we had been playing dodge-ball it would have qualified as a 'peg', for it hit me square in the left lens of my sunglasses.

I was mad as hell, but i kept it together, sorta. It must have taken me a few moments because the man was already back at the door. So  i decided to pick the butt off my floorboard, lower my window, and flick the cigarette back on the ground about halfway between us, while we stared each other down. I don't remember what he was trying to say with his face, but I was daring him to come pick it up, with mine. I turned the ignition and waved good-bye, and he yelled "Good riddance!" and walked inside. Incedent over?

Well the incedent itself is, but the is still more to the story, but i've ranted enough maybe. I tell you the rest if i hear the magic words: "So what happened next?"

Perhaps it's a touch too much pride, but i was not about to degrade myself and give into his uncivil and unreasonable manners and pick up the butt, walk to my car, walk back to him and ask him for his services, all while he watched smugly form his desk. I just wouldn't do it, maybe if he had shown the littlest bit of respect i probably would have capitulated, but alas he wanted to make sure that i knew he was in charge, that it was his place,he made the rules, and i was going to do what he said... or else. So i guess like all rebels, whose duty it is to resist such totalitarian demands, i revolted.

I understand that the cigarette butt offended him, and even that refusing his demands to pick it up, angered him. But it simply does not justify his actions.

Just Rendering

In a complete departure from my usual intellectual or humorous attempts at  blogging, I have decided to attempt a more artistic blog entry. Of course my handle being MathJames you might have guessed that my attempt at art involves math on some level. I just can't help it. :)

So, for your viewing pleasure, i give you my very first 3D render... La Femme Noir

Click for larger image.

This picture is 100% computer made, by me, in about two days, with desktop equipment.

AHRRR-igato?

Well,  I haven't posted in a coons age... how long is a coons age exactly, or even roughly for that matter, and why a racoon (and i do hope to God it is a <i>ra</i>coon that is being refered to) and not say, oh i don't know, a beaver or a sloth -- now that would make sense. But i'm rambling, i'll start over.

Well, I haven't posted in a sloth's age, but i had a burning question that needed answering, so I thought i would get on my cyber-soap-box and ask the digital void.

Are you ready for it...

Which is cooler, pirates or ninjas?

Discuss.

Surreal Numbers

Returning to the topic of infinitesimal numbers, which is an example of a surreal number, here is what i have learned:

To create these 'surreal numbers' first you must define what a number is, mathematically.  Now this may come as a surprise to you, but numbers are fairly hard to define. This definition is just one of many, and it goes something like this:

A number is defined by two sets of numbers, where no member of the 'left' set is greater than or equal to any member of the 'right' set.

Math wise it will look like this:    x --> [X_L,X_R];   X_L ¬≥  X_R

(Since every number corresponds to two sets the L and the R are used to designate the two "X" sets from each other when not side by side.)

Now, at first you may have noticed that this definition is self-referential - it uses sets of "numbers" to define numbers, but this can be overcome by starting with an "empty" set of numbers.

So, the first "number", we shall call it a since we don't know what the number is yet, would be:

• a --> [ {  }_L,{  }_R ]

Does it fit the definition? It has two sets of numbers, although both sets are "empty". So are any numbers in the left set greater than or equal to any number in the right set? No, there are no numbers in the left set (greater than, equal, or otherwise).

Now we have a single number with which to define more numbers, they are:

• b' --> [ {  },{a} ]
• b'' --> [ {a},{  } ]
• b''' --> [ {a}, {a}]

Do they also fit the definition? The left set b' has no numbers, so there can be no numbers that are greater than or equal to a (the only number in the right set of b'), ergo, it fits the definition and is a number. Likewise, the a in the left set of b'' cannot be greater than or equal to any number in the right set of b'' because there are none.

At this point b''', as a number, cannot be determined, because there is no way of checking whether or not a is greater than, less than, or equal to a. It sounds funny, i know, but we have to define at least one relationship between numbers in order to define numbers themselves. It has only worked so far because of the "empty" set has no numbers, and we can compare something with nothing without relationship.

Do not fear, tomorrow i will define a relationship and we can continue with this. OK now you can fear. :)

P.S. Interesting to note, there were no actual numbers used in this post, like a "1" or a "2". It has all been letters and symbols

Not about nothing.

What's the opposite of nothing?

Anything.

Something.

Or everything.

Think about it.

Attention: Patients Update Required

Computers.

I have a definite love/hate relationship with them. They are just useful enough not to throw the frustrating things right out the window (is that a pun?). The case i have decided to pick on today are 'updates'. I hate updates. Just when you get used to your computer and all it's little foibles, along comes some update to make new ones. You know the ones: Internet browsers, active X controls, firewall protection, virus definitions, zip tools, audio codecs, spam filters, hardware drivers. Seems like half the time i want to do anything i can't because i don't have some kind of 'update'. Half of those times i just give up on what ever it is i wanted to do, because i know the process will take longer than i want to spend to do what ever it was i wanted to do in the first place, and thats if it goes smoothly.

Case in point, I decided to do a deep and thorough security scan of my computer today. The kind that takes a several hours of 'at the keyboard' work. In keeping with the spirit of the deep scan i wanted to update my virus definitions, which where out of date (see above reasoning) and sinse i was already committed to the time requirement...

I open my anti-virus software, and navigate to the update button, after clicking it, i get an error saying to reinstall the anti-virus software. What? They provide a link to a web site with more info, and apparently the updating portion of my security suite needed to be updated. ( oh, the irony!) Again, they provide a link to do just that, so i click it. The next screen, provided by the browser this time, tells me i can't view this page until i have updated my activeX controls, with, this must be my lucky day, another link to address this (that is a pun). No less than four activeX control updates later i am allowed to see the page to update my updater.

I update the updater, and it went smoothly and relitively quickly, can't remember if it required a restart or not though (i lost count -- read on). Then it was finally time to update the anti-virus software itself, this required a renewal fee, which i already knew and was prepared to pay, but did add to the whole 'chain of events' thing that i am going for here. Permission now payed for i update the anti-virus software, which half-way through informs me that i must re-run the updater when this one is finished. Which of course i did, after the required restart (man, i sure hope the 'restarter' doesn't need an update). I ran the updater two more times before it said all the updating was done, each needing it's own restart. Thankfully somewhere in the three updates the definitions where also updated. To recap, it took four updates to get to the update for the updater so that i could update my anti-virus software three times to update my virus difintions. Fuck me! I had better find Satan himself hiding out in my computer for all the trouble i'm going through.

But, it was finally done, and with no errors! But before you get to excited, i still have to update my anti-spyware , anti-spam, anti-adware, and last but not least, my firewall secruity. Then i can start the actual scanning. I'll let you know how it goes... next week... when i'm done. In a word, i'll give you an... update. :)